NFP, my new favorite topic?

Wow. I wrote a whole post and with one misplaced keystroke, I erased the whole thing. grr. Well, here are the highlights, since I don't have the time or energy to rewrite the whole thing:

- Instead of constantly posting addendums, I am hereby warn you that NFP will probably be a regular topic and that I retain the right to correct  or expound on my thoughts.

- Thank you to all who have given me feedback on my previous posts. I am happy to hear from you and if you prefer the privacy of a Facebook message, I will certainly respect your privacy.

- One of the helpful criticisms that I received re my addendum was that perhaps its tone was too apologetic (er, not in the doctrinal sense). Ah, the pendulum. I suggest "blurring" my two posts together to reach a happy medium. 'Nuff said.

- For the sake of clarity, I want to revisit my statement that NFP is not intrinsically good for marriage. What I meant was that it is not meant to be used as an end in itself but as a tool for the rightly-discerned spacing of children. I have heard delighted exclamations from good-hearted-but-misinformed single women about the beauty of NFP and how they can't wait to get married so they too can use it! To which I say, uh, you're missing the point, sister.

Note: A la St Paul, a couple may feel called to abstain as a form of fasting. I would differentiate this abstinence from NFP in the same way that dieting is different from fasting. (Clearly they can be combined, but are not necessarily).

-- Does NFP demand and aid in the development of marital selflessness, communication and prayerful discernement? YES!

-- Do you know what else does that (dare I say, better)? Children.

Note: The knowledge that NFP provides can help in achieving pregnancy. However, these women were clearly taken with the idea of NFPs selflessness, communication and prayerful discernment, and at least momentarily overlooked the Church's beautiful understanding of the sacramentality of the marital union.

For further reading, here's a great blog post:

Truth in Advertising: How We Talk About NFP

Addendum to NFP and Average Me

I'm not entirely clear on what my purpose in writing that post was - I think perhaps it was to get myself out there; to put myself in the conversation. I know this area (sexuality, ethics and human dignity) is my mission field, but for whatever reason I've been relatively quiet about it. I felt it was time to get on with it.

I chose the approach I did because I've been struck by the quantity of two opposing voices among NFP users. There are those who struggle (and I in no way wish to diminish the reality of their cross), and then there's the chorus of couples who probably also poop rainbows and write poetry about the wonders of NFP.

I find myself to be neither. I'm distinctly average: the person the textbook was written about, but I don't love NFP. I'd rather not have to use it ever at all. I'd rather God just give us the exact number of children that we can handle, as we can handle them, but that's not reality. I moderately dislike NFP. I despise [the idea of] contraception. I don't think I'm called to have 16 kids. That leaves NFP as the least worst option and, for me, a manageable if undesirable one. 

I wanted my voice to be somewhere in the mix between the rainbow-poopers and the people with very real burdens. I was hopeful that someone looking into NFP might read my post and see that for some of us it does "work." People need to hear this because our culture doesn't believe it. 


But me saying it works isn't me singing its high praises, or announcing that couples should use NFP [periodic abstinence] believing it's intrinsically good for marriages (eye-roll, head-shake).  For most of us, I think it's just a heck of a big step up from contraception.* ...and some struggle to believe that but they do it anyway. God bless them.

*For further reading please consider:


Love and Responsibility

Man and Woman He Created Them: A Theology of the Body

NFP and Average Me

NFP from my totally average perspective, by which I mean:

- non-ecological breastfeeding (sleeping-thru-the-night, pacifier-using) delays fertility by an average of 10 months

- cyclic mucus changes are obvious

- easy-to-read biphasic temperature shift

I have mixed feelings towards NFP. Why? One the one hand, it's opened a window making me an active observer as my body works to offer, bring forth and nurture new life.  On the other hand, gosh darn it, I can't unlearn it. I know, in a culture of control-freaks, this sounds weird, doesn't it? In fact, most women I know with large families or closely-spaced children make a point of letting you know that these children were "planned," as though to prove that NFP works, but they're open to life. But isn't there something beautiful about the idea that God's plan is better than ours? As I write this, I can feel my heart rate go up: What am I signing myself up for?!

Does this mean I'm a providentialist? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. Regardless, I think the 50% unplanned pregnancy rate found in our contraceptive culture seems unlikely for the average NFP-user. I guess it depends on what "unplanned" means. Particularly at this point in my ife, I'm not at all opposed to having an "unplanned" pregnancy, but considering my textbook averageness, I doubt I'll ever get pregnant by surprise. The closest I'll probably get is leaving it up to a God who has a better plan that I, knowing all the while when we're offering Him the right of first refusal. For the completely average woman, deciphering fertility is about as challenging as being toilet-trained. 

What you do with that information, well, that's up to you...but don't call the result an accident.

Here are some links for more information, but I gotta warn you, once you know your fertility signs, they're hard to ignore.

NFP Teachers Assoc of Ireland - mucus sign

 - has awesome detailed explanations of the hormone cycle and the mucus they produce, just click on the various links for an education unlike any found elsewhere.

Couple to Couple League

- teaches the basic "sympto-thermal" aka, mucus and temperature NFP method

Fertility Friend

- free charting website stores and interprets fertility data. 

Creighton

- teaches a detailed mucus-only NFP method. 

Pope Paul VI Institute - NaPro Technology

- uses the Creighton method to decipher and solve women's health issues such as abnormal cycles, recurrent miscarriage, infertility, etc. in a way that works *with* a woman's body rather than circumventing the problem via birth control pills, ivf, etc.

The Works of Mercy

The corporal works of mercy:

• To feed the hungry;
• To give drink to the thirsty;
• To clothe the naked;
• To harbour the harbourless;
• To visit the sick;
• To ransom the captive;
• To bury the dead.

The spiritual works of mercy are:

• To instruct the ignorant;
• To counsel the doubtful;
• To admonish sinners;
• To bear wrongs patiently;
• To forgive offences willingly;
• To comfort the afflicted;
• To pray for the living and the dead.

Taken from New Advent

I'm not very good at these. Fortunately, my vocation gives me ample opportunities to try, fail, and try again.

Feelin' Dangerously Snarky

Dear HHS,

I've got a couple preventative measures to add to your agenda:

1) Block the sun! Everyone knows it causes cancer. I propose you issue a mandate to construct a transcontinental shade-structure that blocks all sunlight. If people *REALLY* want sunshine, they could of course pull back a bit of the structure for *limited* amount of time, maybe once or twice in their life.

2) Stomach bags. You know I really can't control myself, and why should I?! Everyone knows how good chocolate is, but I don't want to get fat and risk diabetes. It would be awesome if you could mandate free stomach bags, [to swallow and remove later] so I could eat whatever I want, whenever I want, for as long as I want. After all, it's my right to be free from obesity and related diseases!

Thank you for considering these freedom-enhancing measures. I can't wait to live life the way I have a right to live it - free from cancer and obesity. Oh Yeah! No one can say "No" to that!

(...except those freaks who think everyone should practice self control be forced to be 800 pounds and covered in melanoma. They don't know what free-livin' is!)

Sincerely,

A Concerned Citizen

Happy Birthday, Iain!

Four years ago, today I was lying in a hospital bed, waiting, worrying and wondering. Iain was born the next day, January 28th at 11:11 am.  My water broke a month before my due date and we didn't know what to expect when Iain was born. We were prepared for the worst (NICU time), praying for the best and ended up with a combination of the two. In the end, after we were discharged home, on schedule, he became hypothermic, his temp dropping to 94.7 degrees. Thank you Jesus for homecare nurses who discovered it and helped this first-time-mother get her baby off to the hospital when I didn't know better (I knew his feet felt cold, but assumed that was normal).

Iain, about a week old:

First time motherhood was overwhelming and I dare say traumatic. But, four years later, Iain is the picture of health - minor allergies aside - and I feel like I can safely call myself a seasoned mother (of small children).

  1st birthday:

 

 2nd birthday:

3rd birthday (was that really already a year ago?!)

Happy 4th Birthday, Iain! I am so very very blessed to be your mother. These 4 years have flown past, and I'm afraid they will only continue to fly by faster. I hope and pray that your coming year is full of growth in joy, wisdom, strengthening of character, deepening of love for God and others, and lots of wonderful experiences. I am so proud of you, my big boy!

Iain (not quite 4 - this was taken a few months ago)

And, just for fun, Mark's 4th birthday:

Thoughts and Visions of Heaven

This is one of my favorite paintings. You can find it at the Cathedral of Saint Paul.  Every time we go to Mass there, I try to catch a glimpse of it before I leave.  A couple years ago, an artistic friend who was off to discern Religious Life (now returned), gifted us with a painting she had done of the Crucifixion, from below - from Mary's perspective as seen in the previous painting. I got chills - it was like I was inside the painting at the Cathedral. It now hangs in our bedroom, and it's the first thing I see every morning and the last thing I see at night. I am blessed.

That's my preface to the following - I had reason to contemplate the reason for the prominence of the crucifix in Catholic churches. I publicly thank the anonymous person who prompted this. Not surprisingly, this has brought me to a greater understanding of my faith - as these things often do.

First, God plopped this article in my lap, this morning: The Cross, Altar and the Right Way of Praying by Fr. Stefan Heid. Here are some exerpts:

The cross is the focal point of salvation and of liturgical action...

...the altar is the place of prayer: the cross belongs there, and, indeed, even more so, on the main altar. It is the place of raising one’s hands, mind and eyes to “look upon the one whom they have pierced.” Here, heaven opened up at the moment when darkness covered the earth: the Sun of Righteousness on the cross was raised up at the center of the earth, making our darkness light.

After reading the article, I had the following reflections (please correct me if any of this is incorrect!):

I read somewhere that the snake-on-the-pole that Moses made (so that everyone who looked on it would live) was a "type/foreshadowing" of our crucifix, today.

I suppose also, as Catholics since we believe the Mass is uniting time and space and making us present to, and presenting to us, the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross (rather than simply a memorial), it makes sense that we would have a visual reminder of where we are - present at Calvary. 

On a lighter note, while I was reading/thinking/writing about all that, followed by a shower, apparently Iain had an apparition imagination. He announced to me very excitedly, when I got out of the shower that...

Iain: I saw Mary on top of my bunkbed, so I was throwing a lot presents up there for the little Lord Jesus. ...and Joseph was there and all of Jesus's disciples.

Me: What did Mary look like?

Iain: like a queen and a princess...wearing a dress...it was blue. ...and I tried to climb up there to get to the floor of Heaven, but I couldn't reach it.

Me: yes, you're not allowed on top of your bunkbed.

1. The Way I Tidy

I'm sure this isn't a novel idea, but it has really helped me... I pick one side of a particular room and start my tidying there. I move towards the other side, tidying as I go. 

Leaving a wake of tidiness behind me is very motivating, as is having a room completely tidied before moving on to the next. I usually start in the living room and move from there to the dining room, then to the kitchen. By the time I get to the overwhelming pile of mail on the kitchen counter, there are plenty of tidy areas on which to rest my eyes. 

2. Hats

Does anyone remember the Amy Grant song Hats from her Heart in Motion album, circa early '90s? I was never a fan of the song, at least in part because I actually thought it was about hats and the lyrics seemed so random. You gotta cut me some slack, the early '90s was an era of hats and I was only 10 years old!

I had a good laugh about that when the song randomly popped to mind the other day and my adult-self realized what it was about. I'm still not an Amy Grant fan, but at least now I can understand and relate to what she was singing about. ...definitely wearing a lot of hats around here!

3. No Water

We have no water right now. That's why I'm sitting in my recliner, still in my pajamas, writing a blog post. Not having running water is so unmotivating! 

Apparently there was a "water emergency" on the corner of our block that necessitated the water shut-off. It should be turned on again in the next few hours. Going without running water is rather eye-opening. I can't: drink, wash dishes or clothes, use the toilet, shower, wash my hands after a diaper change (blech!), make cereal for my baby... Certainly, it's no hardship (yet). Like I said, it's just eye-opening.

4. Blog-a-holic

Hi. My name is Betsy. I'm a blog-a-holic. What are some of your favorite blogs or websites? I know, answering this after I've told you I'm a blog-a-holic is like pouring gasoline on a fire, but hey, sometimes that's ok. (Sure, neither you nor I can think of an instance where that would actually be ok, but let's just go with it.)

5. Bosnia and Other Residential War Zones

"Whaaaa? Huh?" Is probably what you're thinking. Let me explain: I think I may have mentioned in the past that my bedroom closet is a catch-all for everything that hasn't been put in its proper place. - Tangent: I have discovered just how important it is to have a place for everything! - Not surprisingly, the act of throwing all sorts of odds and ends into my closet has produced something akin to a rubble pile. Mark started calling it "Bosnia" because it looks like a war zone. He now joins in the fun, throwing things into "Bosnia" with wild abandon. Clearly he doesn't look in there when he does this, or he would notice that I actually cleaned my closet the other day. I'm too kind to mention that he's single-handedly recreating a war zone during peace time...so I just mention it on my blog instead.

Iain just asked to color which reminded me that our craft drawer is in desperate need of attention. I just don't know if I can justify spending time and energy on something that hopeless. Where are those UN peace-keeping forces when you need them?

6. Lydia's Songs

Iain and Lydia love to sing. I love listening to them. I'm especially enjoying Lydia's current repertoire. She sings songs to Jesus, which usually sound something like (yelled to some familiar tune such as bah-bah-black-sheep) "This is for Jesus, hamsters down the drain..."

7. That's all for now

In [some] Nutshell[s]

Has anyone on the North American continent not had the stomach flu in the last two weeks? When Lydia started throwing up exactly a day and a half after our visit to the Mall of America, I kicked myself long and hard for thinking it was a wonderful idea to let the kids play at the Lego stations. I soon found out that every family I know has had it run through their house. Shut-in though I may normally be, I don't think this one could've been avoided. At least I can stop imagining my children innocently playing with hot-viral Duplos.

Stomach bugs aside, we had an exciting Christmas season. Just before Christmas, one of my close friends got engaged! Then, on New Year's Day, my sister Kate got engaged! (And speaking of hot viruses, my brother-in-law-to-be's brother works at the CDC! I'd clean stairwells all day too just to be inside that building!) Back to weddings...clearly I have recovered from the trauma of planning my own wedding because I am loving every second of this! Two Minnesota weddings to help with; I don't think I could be happier! It's just like 7 Brides for 7 Brothers...only it's 2 brides and the grooms aren't related. So, nothing like it at all.

During this season of wretching and rejoicing (I'm sorry, I couldn't resist) I've become acutely aware of the Tim Tebow "phenomenon." I'm not sure what else to call it. I gotta say, I'm worried for the guy. Has no one else read a Greek tragedy? May God's grace protect him from the world, the flesh and devil!

So, how 'bout them Republican candidates? I have no idea when the Minnesotans get their turn at voting...I'm assuming we do at some point, yes? Mark is straddling the fence between the Gingrich and Santorum camps (not that he can vote, but he still has opinions). I naturally lean towards Santorum - knowing next to nothing about him except that he strikes me as a good husband and father. But I have to say, I'm always impressed by Gingrich's vocal presence, and how can I not like his defense of Christianity/Catholicism? Sorry Ron Paul fans, I've always thought the guy is too creepy to look at or listen to, so needless to say, I don't know much about him other than that he leans Libertarian - and I don't. Shallow? Of course, but I think there are better candidates, so I'm not losing sleep over it.

I hope your 2012 is kicking off nicely and that you're not spending it like the rest of the country (see first paragraph).

New Year's Resolutions

2

...people around here need to get in shape.

I know, cliche, right? I was going to be clever and say get back to pre-postpartum shape, but that would be pregnancy. As much as I love my children and would like to add more in the years to come, I'm not clamoring to get on that bandwagon immediately. (God, if you have other ideas, I am most sincerely yours. Love, Betsy)

We have friends, a married couple, who have set individual weight goals and are competing against each other for a (significant) monetary prize that they may spend however they choose. I'm quite tempted to join in the competitive revelry with (against?) Mark. It seems like a fun way to get us serious about our health.

0

...projects on the exterior of our house. 

1

...permanent move of a certain sister+family to the St Paul, MN vicinity. Please, God!

2

...weddings. At least.

Not my own. I am already happily married. ...although, I do have reoccurring dreams that Mark refuses to marry me despite our 3 children together, or that I'm about to marry someone else, or that we're not married and Mark is dating someone else. Strangely, I don't mind these dreams because they serve to remind me how blessed I am. *Happy sigh* 

What are your resolutions for 2012?

*Friday* Quick Takes - for real this time

1

The Girls at 8 Months

Lydia (03/10):

 Annie (12/11):

2

I love to drive around and look at Christmas lights. Unfortunately, in our neighborhood there are a few beautiful displays and the remainder can be grouped into, "Look, Christmas threw up on their house" or, "What did they think it would look like?" If you're wondering what I mean, this site, uglychristmaslights doesn't hold a candle (led, incandescent or real flame) to what's going on around here.

3

I took out the trash today, a task usually done by my wonderful hubby. I was shocked to discover that the garbage from our room - a week worth's of Annie's diapers - was nearly more than I could lift. This was even more surprising considering the babe is still nursing 100% (floor crumbs and fuzz notwithstanding) so all that weight came from me. It might be slightly more satisfying to lug around 50 lbs of my body weight in a garbage bag if at least a few of those pounds weren't still hugging my hips. But that would require giving up BK shakes, er, calcium supplements.

4

For my husband: My Facebook post from yesterday...

The older two have been excommunicated from the first floor. (It was play in the basement or naptime; tough choice, eh?) Now, to get some work done. Willpower, which cupboard are you hiding in? Maybe I stashed you next to the chocolate...

5

I took all three kids with me to the eye doctor. Iain insisted on wearing his soldier uniform, down to the boots. Did I mention my new mantra: Pick your battles (no pun intended, really). We played "I Spy" while we waited for my eyes to dilate. It's harder than you might think to come up with things to "spy" that a 3.5 yr old can guess, ina 6x9 ft exam room. Regardless, Iain thought it was a great game and wanted to have a go at "spying" something for me to guess. He picked the computer. He was so proud of himself. I made a good effort at having a hard time finding it.

6

A friend of mine from MI has a dog that gets into the bathroom trash as an act of retaliation when she feels ignored. This friend stopped in for a brief but blissful visit about a month ago. Since then, any time Annie disappears I find her in the bathroom, pulling things out of the trash. This can not be mere coincidence. Nor could it be due to Annie's new-found ability to crawl. (Note to self: keep bathroom door closed.)

7

Muddy Buddies or Puppy Chow. What do you call it? Either way, I've been craving it all week. All this writing works up quite an appetite. Time to make sure these hips of mine don't shrink anytime soon.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Quick Takes

1

Er, Tuesday. Moving right along...

2

Jesus was fully God and fully man, so obviously he had a fully-functioning digestive tract. Yep, guess where this is going...  Something tells me that Iain might be among the first to delve into this particular dimension of Christology, without a hint of disrespect. He just headed for the bathroom chanting, “we are going to the Potty of Christ.”

3

To cure the “I have nothing to wear” disease, I’m thinking of creating my own Look Book by taking pictures of each of my wearable outfits. I guess that reveals that I don’t have many outfits. I’m okay with that, especially since I’m in a balloon-up-’n-down family-growing season of life. But seriously, when I’m drawing a blank I could look through the pictures, pick something, throw it on and run out the door to whatever event I would’ve otherwise been 20 min late to. It would also enable my husband to give an opinion when I desperately plead “what should I wear?”

4

I love to sing. I was in choir from 5th-12th grade. I’m humble enough to know that I don’t have a stellar voice, and being twelve years out of practice has taken its toll. However, it wasn’t until Mark and I decided to do simple recordings of our favorite Advent songs that I fully realized that I have a vocal range of only about 8 notes, with an ideal range of maybe 4 notes. On top of that, my vocal control and ability to find and stay on pitch are all but gone. It was a depressing revelation, but it has also prompted me to sing more, hoping that I might retrain this warbley little voice of mine.

5

Iain loves being involved in the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd program at our parish. We were out of town for the orientation, so I’m pretty clueless about what goes on in the Atrium. I get little glimpses during the course of daily life: “Mom, that angel’s name is Gabriel!” or he’ll sing lines from a song he’s learned.  Today’s glimpse was prompted by the Christmas song “Mary, Did You Know” which I can almost guarantee they haven’t sung at Atrium. He stopped singing mid-verse to ask me, “What are the actions for this song?”
Glad to know that he’s internalized that every song has actions.

6

Speaking of “Mary Did You Know” here’s an awesome Star Wars spoof on it:

7

On a different note altogether, fellow parents, I have a question: What non-corporal forms of discipline do you find effective for getting-out-of-bed and don't-want-to-clean-up types of infractions when the "go to your room/time out" is not an option because a) they're supposed to be in their room or b) that would let them off the hook from cleaning up.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Exiting the Cult [of Christmas Cookies]

As some of you know, our family has to deal with all sorts of food allergies and intolerances.  Since this is the first Christmas that I'm trying to avoid flour, my desire to bake gobs of cookies has greatly diminished. Ok, that's a lie, I've never enjoyed baking cookies. At least now I have a better excuse than "my oven hates me and ruins every single cookie attempt, no matter the modifications to the recipe/temp/time/cookware..." 

Despite my long-standing disinterest in the Cult of Christmas Cookies, now that I'm left out of it, I suddenly find myself throwing pity-parties as I watch the baking revelry unfold in the blogosphere around me. What's a girl to do? Well, drown my sorrows in Peanut Butter Cups, for one. Enter the inspired Simcha Fisher. I happen to friends with her on Facebook - note my unabashed hint of pride, and today she posted a link for these. (As a loyal Wolverine, I can't actually type the word). I feel almost famous since my comment about them got "liked" by Simcha, herself! ...wow, I know, I need help. From Al Giddings to Simcha Fisher. I really know how to pick my heroes. I included her previous comment for your enjoyment; it's a glimpse into why I love her writing!

Ok, back to the point: there's no flour in these things and what's more, I can substitute Sunbutter and make them Iain-friendly! 

I also tried my hand at Candied Grapefruit Peels. I love grapefruit flavor, but these were too bitter. I think next time I'll just stick with the tried-n-true orange peels. ...dipped in chocolate, of course. A theme seems to be developing, here.

So, here's my question for the blog world: what are your favorite Christmas candy or otherwise flour-free Christmas goody recipes? Please post links/recipes in the comments.

(Note: I'm not so much looking for flour-substitute recipes here; that's a different yet-to-be-written post. Although if you have a to-die-for recipe, feel free to post it now.)

Thanks, in advance! ...and happy cookie baking if you're one of them.

Chipped Plans

I awoke with grand plans to finally take the kids outside to play in the snow. Actually, I fell asleep with those plans and awoke to the sound of drip. drip. drip. It was a dreary, wet morning.

On days like this, or really every winter day after 3 pm, I'm so grateful for our overhead kitchen lights. Their warm, cheery glow is like photon-shower of caffeine (yes, I'm a dork.) Today, they motivated me to take "Before" pictures of the various cluttered areas that need addressing. It's Advent-nesting I guess; just in case Christ really does return, my linen closet will be ready. Well, that was the plan, anyway....

...until Lydia began her death-defying adventures. It began with a slip, thud, scream. I didn't witness it, but it was easy enough to deduce that she was running across her room, slipped and hit her mouth on Iain's bed. What took a little longer to realize was that 1/4 of her left front tooth was missing. Later, I was relieved to find the missing piece under the bed. I had been trying not to imagine what that sharp shard could do to her insides!

She's never been a big smiler; always our stoic child. I couldn't even get a picture of her newly-chipped tooth, so I'm not terribly concerned that she's going to be traumatized by her appearance. We're off to the dentist, tomorrow. Hopefully they'll give me some good news - not sure what that might be.

Fortunately, the tooth was the only visible wound of the day, but far from the only - or scariest - accident. Not 2 hours later, the poor girl plummeted, headfirst, over the back of the couch while 3 adults failed to grab her in time. Later, she was standing on a dining armchair, watching me make dinner when the chair suddenly tipped over to the left, she landed tangled in the armrest and a step-stool. I'm still not sure how she survived that one unharmed. *Thank you, Jesus!*

Perhaps I will buy her a pair of weighted boots for Christmas. How many accidents can she have if she can't move?

Suffice it to say, my linen closet is not yet ready for the Second Coming, or Christmas. Maybe next week.

Just Because...

Because it's now the middle of December, I thought I'd share a video from the summer...remember the summer? Those 3 warm months when the sun shines past 3:30 pm? Yes, someday it will return to Minnesota. In the meantime, enjoy the memories.

We took a little family trip to the playground:

In other news, Mark helped me pick out a beautiful wool winter hat. It's quite feminine and goes well with my dressier winter coat. On the long walk to Mass (ahem, across the street) I suddenly felt foolish wearing my beautiful winter hat, dress coat, pretty scarf, skirt and heels...as other women jumped out of their cars in their khakis and jeans. Now, I'm not at all against wearing pants, but I generally try to wear skirts to Mass.

In that moment of feeling silly, I made the decision that I would try to banish the silly feelings and instead try to adopt the humility and grace which should be the attire of my soul regardless of my appearance. I may be the sore-thumb dressed-up lady, but if I do it reverently and kindly, perhaps I can be a silent influence on others? (Except on those days, esp. Saturday Vigil Masses, when I literally run across the street, and fling my children and pants-clad-self in the pew as the Responsorial Psalm is beginning...really there is no excuse, I mean, we live across the street!)

It is Finished! or, Is it Finished?

Seeing the first snowflakes fall this morning, brought back memories of last winter's cold season made even colder by the lack of siding on our house.

If you haven't heard, while Mark and I were off on our 5th anniversary Hawaiian dream vacation, the final work on the exterior of our house was being done...or so we thought. Before I get to that, here's a look at how far we've come in these 2.5 years:

The house when we bought it, complete with two, yes two, front doors not 20 feet apart.

After rectifying the front doors issue (which enabled us to expand our kitchen)
You can just make out the new blue roof, replaced thanks to hail damage. Additionally, the cinderblock is painted to match our siding. This photo was taken by my mom and sent to us while we were in Hawaii. If you look closely, you'll notice that the trim around the garage is brown. Replacing this with white trim was the finishing piece that we were waiting on...(do you hear the ominous music??)
Instead of replacing the brown trim around the garage door, the crew thought they were replacing the siding on our house - not that I didn't think it needed it, but it wasn't certainly wasn't in our budget! We got a call from the contractor while we were in Hawaii, informing us that 3/4 of our home was siding-less and as a result of their (huge!) error, we would be receiving all new siding...for free! (cue angelic choirs!)

The downside to this was that it was by now too cold to install siding - thank you MN winter - and we spent the coldest months of the year learning exactly how much protection/insulation siding provides. ...and I'm sure baffling our neighbors!

In the end, we were beyond thrilled with the final result. But this also required a repainting of the cinderblock, etc.
Repainting had to wait on the completion of the rear exterior stucco insulating our walkout basement...that's another long story. But, low and behold, just before winter, we finally have a completed exterior. For now. (Cue ominous music battled by angelic choirs. With us, you just never know what's going to happen next!)

Lawn Vacuuming

Our yard is 1/3 of an acre, with lots of trees. Last year I raked leaves, I mower-mulched leaves, I blew leaves, I carted leaves with the wheelbarrow, and finally I let piles of leaves kill grass when I gave up.

I was determined that this year was going to be different; this year I was going to do nothing! I just didn't have it in me to fight the never-ending leaf battle. I didn't know what would happen to our lawn, or how I might regret it in the Spring, but this year's plan was one word: forfeit.

Enter the Holy Spirit with His divine inspiration.

The parish across the street has a lawn service. When their gigantic tree dropped its leaves (90% of which landed in our front yard) the lawn service drove a giant ride-on leaf vacuum machine across the grass and sucked up that measly 10%. I looked on in envy and thought bitter thoughts as I gazed at the remaining 90% littering my front lawn. (Er, that part wasn't the divine inspiration, in case you were confused).

I tucked that image of the vacuum machine away in the back of my brain, pulling it forward whenever I glanced out the window at the thick carpet of leaves accruing. Despite my "do nothing" stance, I was feeling pulled between certainty of the futility of managing those leaves and guilt regarding my obvious failure as a responsible home owner.

Yesterday, (this is the H.S. part) it dawned on me that we have a bag that attaches to our lawn mower. Could I create my very own lawn vacuum simply by attaching the bag to the mower? This seemed too easy. If I've lived 30 years and not heard of this, it must not be a feasible option. I googled it. I found a website that sells oversize bags to attach to your lawn mower in order to vacuum leaves. That seemed promising. Then I Facebooked it. Apparently it has been done... successfully...by multiple people! Have I been living in a cave, why have I not heard of this?!

So, last night after Mark headed off to class, I put our lawn mower to the test. I finished the front yard in about 45 minutes. I had to empty the bag pretty frequently, but compared to what I've done in the past, it was a piece of cake. Today was the true test: the backyard (and the huge Maple hasn't dropped it's leaves yet!)

After pass #1. This picture gives a better view of the quantity of leaves:
Halfway done!
Two and half hours after I began. Ta Da! (hours later, I'm still in awe)

I inadvertently opened Pandora's Box :(

The *problem* with the human mind is that is constantly pressing on to greater knowledge and a deeper grasp of truth...well, at least mine does on occasion. If this doesn't sound like a problem to you, than you're probably not currently wrestling with something of which you'd prefer to have remained ignorant.

Because I know that I do not possess one of the great minds of humanity (mine is pleasantly average) I've decided that I must not suffer this alone, so I'm inviting you all to join me in my misery. If you'd prefer to not join in the mental wrestling, I urge you to stop reading right now.

A little background: I've known for the greater part of my life that I'm particularly sensitive to issues regarding/related to the inherent dignity of human life. I can only be grateful for and proud of my Catholic faith, as greater minds than mine have spent centuries on many of these issues and I rest in the knowledge that I need not reinvent the wheel.

Unfortunately, an issue that I assumed was resolved, not only in the medical world but also in the Church, came to my attention and I now know that while there is legal resolution, there is no true consensus among medical or religious voices. As we know well, what is legal is not always what is moral (abortion being a case in point). So where does this leave me? I'm stuck needing to make the most-morally-correct decision that I can based on the little knowledge that I have.

Having said all that, I'm sure you'd like to get to the point already, so here it is, and I'll lay it out for you:

BRAIN DEATH AND ORGAN HARVESTING

I. Is "brain death" (also known as irreversible coma without respiration) true death?

A. What is death?:

i. irreversible loss of mental faculties? (present in "brain death")

ii. loss of ability to breathe independently? (present in "brain death")

iii. loss of bodily ability to grow and heal? (not present in "brain death" - ie, body still grows, heals, reaches puberty, gestates fetuses, etc. given artificial respiration)

iv. some or all of the above - how many of the above, and which one(s)?

II. Assuming for the moment that brain death is death:

A. How is brain death definitively determined?

i. While there are certainly many tests that must be done to determine "brain death," a close look at actual practice makes me shudder. It appears that the tests are not always performed, performed correctly, and even, in the case of the apnea test, may cause brain death.

ii. It is well-documented that some patients have been diagnosed as brain-dead only to fully recover within days, or to be found at autopsy following organ harvesting (rarely done) to indeed NOT show signs of brain death, but rather brain damage to one extent or another (seen as brain necrosis in the hemispheres with intact brain stem, etc.)

B. What role do spinal reflexes play in the brain dead patient?

i. Organ donors are given muscle-relaxants to prevent movement during harvesting (incidentally, they are not given general anesthesia/pain meds)

ii. There is a spinal reflex to painful stimuli that causes heart rate and blood pressure to rise - this occurs during organ harvesting.

III. Where does this leave me?

A. If brain death is true death:

i. There MUST be a clear, definitive way to determine this which must be correctly and thoroughly assessed 100% of the time.

ii. Since this does not seem to be the case, I can not be ok with organ harvesting as there appears to be a risk of misdiagnosis and/or inadvertently further maiming the patient by the performance of at least one of the tests (apnea test).

B. If brain death is not true death:

i. I hope it goes without saying that mostly-dead or almost-dead is NOT dead and therefore can never justify the taking of organs resulting in the complete death of a person.

IV. Ok, so what do I suggest is done with the brain dead (irreversible coma without respiration) patient?

A. Do we waste these precious organs?

i. YES. As already stated, if there is no 100% guaranteed way to be sure that a person is in fact dead, you must err on the side of life.

B. But they're going to die as soon as you turn off the respirator.

i. YES. But we all must acknowledge that there is an infinite difference between allowing nature to take it's course (via cessation of extreme life-support), and taking someone's organs, in spite of the fact that the end result is exactly the same: death.

C. So, assuming it's been x-amount of time since life-support is removed, the patient is not breathing and there is no heart beat...

i. It depends entirely on the "x" amount. I'm not qualified to define "x" but I would think at least 15 min or so would be required before all bodily systems have been dead enough to be truly irreversibly dead (as opposed to the 2 min rule for non-heart- beating-donors where they wait for the heart to stop and then put the body on life- support in order to obtain organs - this is done in non-brain-dead patients...don't even get me started!)

D. Am I so callous as to not care about the people who need organs to live?

i. I absolutely care. That's why I'm so frustrated that I find myself here. But I can not and will not ever justify taking a life to save a life, and it appears that we don't have an accurate enough and dependable enough system to declare true death prior to organ harvest.

ii. What if it was me or a loved one that needed an organ to survive?

a. See above. I just pray that science gets going real fast on adult-stem-cell organ generation. That would be awesome.

iii. What about people who've had loved ones become organ donors?

a. I will absolutely assume the best - that they were well and truly dead beyond any shadow of doubt or error, that their family made a fully informed and extremely loving, generous decision in allowing their deceased loved-one to contribute to the well-being and life of others.

Getting to Know You/ Quick Takes

1. This title is taken from song in "The King and I." It is the theme song for my relationship with my new MacBook Pro.

2. One of the reasons I'm excited about my new laptop is the ease with which I can post blog entries with pictures. While I could on the other laptop I was using, it was more complicated and therefore not a justifiable use of my time (according to myself).

3. Here, for your enjoyment are some of my favorites from the past few years, in ridiculously random order

Our newly landscaped/roofed/sided/painted house:

Hawaii. Beautiful, isn't it? Yes, we were there and Mark took that picture. :)
Our favorite Lydia-bear (as Mark has nicknamed her)
The younger versions of the older two, gosh it goes by fast!

The rainbow (double, actually, but not really visible in this picture) that appeared the day Marianne was baptized.
Marianne ("bee-bee Annn-eee" in Lydia-speak)
Calvin (as in ...and Hobbes) and Suzy? Dumb and Dumber? Nope, just my cheesy, wonderful children getting ready to play tennis. :)
4. My postpartum recovery is directly proportional to the re-expansion of my creativity. I become creatively-inept while pregnant; any and all creative energy is, from the moment of conception, funneled into nesting. It is refreshing to actually feel part of my brain awake from hibernation, but perhaps, especially for Mark, somewhat terrifying ("What WILL she come up with next?!) In the 2.5 months since Marianne was born, I have: dreamt up elaborate plans for a 2nd-floor deck (I think that idea has been officially laid to rest), reseeded the lawn, landscaped around the house, priced patio pavers for a patio (and perhaps driveway at some point?) and returned to daydreaming about my business venture "The Batter Bistro."

5. I guess when I complain about not being creative, what I'm actually whining about is that I'm not materially crafty. If I really think about it though, my creativity often leads to a) quality time with Mark as we do our house/yard projects together, and b) increased equity. Can't complain! :)

6. Mark came home for lunch today, as he does semi-frequently. I was commenting on how wonderful it was to see him mid-day and he responded that we really have a very high quality of life. I said "Yep, it feels like we live on the doorstep of Heaven." Praise the Lord, life is good!

The name story (as promised)

When I was roughly 17 weeks along in my pregnancy with Marianne, and before we knew if we were having a boy or girl, Mark and I flew across the world and celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary in Hawaii.

We had already decided on a boy's name, but were having a difficult (to put it mildly) time agreeing on a girl's name that we both liked. We decided prior to leaving on our trip, that this task would be one of our vacation to-dos. Mark even packed two baby name books.

After putting it off for nearly the first of our 2 weeks away, Mark brought it up one evening as we were eating Haagen Daz, sitting on the beach, watching the waves roll in. I agreed that we could begin the conversation, thinking that this would be just as fruitless as the last times we'd attempted the same discussion.

So, we sat there in silence and then Mark said, "What about Marianne?"

And I thought about it for a minute and said "I really like that!"

And Mark said "What about Grace for a middle name?"

And I thought about that and said "I think that's beautiful!"

"Marianne Grace"

And we talked about all the reasons we thought it was a beautiful name:

- It's clearly Marian which was something that Mark had particularly wanted but I wasn't sold on "Mary" as a name.

- Ann is my middle name, Mark's mother's middle name, and Mary's mother's name

- Grace seems an obvious and beautiful choice to accompany a Marian first name

- It sounds beautiful and classic

So, we decided that when we returned to our hotel room, we would "google" it and see if there were any St Marianne's, and make sure there weren't any scandalous "Marianne Archibalds" or similar.

What we discovered when doing our search surprised and delighted us! Here we were in Hawaii, having felt quite inspired by this name that seemed to hit us out of the blue, and our internet search revealed that there is indeed a Blessed Marianne. She just so happened to be a Religious sister who spent the later part of her life serving the leper colony on Molokai, Hawaii, with Fr. Damien.

http://www.chcweb.com/catalog/files/mariannecope.pdf

I turned to Mark and said, "I think we're having a girl!"